Do you know when is the time to change?
Not too far from today, in 2019 I occupied a relatively good position in a multinational Brazilian company, position in which I worked hard to achieve. And still I had great chances of promotion and the possibility of building a successful career in Corporate Communication. I had nice coworkers and a loving boss whom I admire a lot. I proudly lived with my mother, whom I have an adorable relationship, full of respect for each other. Furthermore, I got a couple of lovely friends who have always supported me. In sum, I had everything one needs to be happy, but I was not. Why?
I did not know what exactly I was feeling. I even thought that what I needed was a loving relationship to fill the emptiness. It was not. I got a boyfriend who was so nice, but the relationship was a disaster because I was not ready for it.
Sometimes, I would blame myself for having that “ungrateful” felling. I acknowledge God was being good to me, even thought I was not being able to appreciate, as I did not have any desire to get up in the morning and go to work. I would wake up, but my body and mind would refuse to get out of the bed. Each morning used to be a suffering time. I started having migraines and, of course, my productivity feel dropped. I could not understand what was happening to me. I did not fell in the right place and I did not want to continue there.
In parallel, I was involved with other personal projects. In my free time, I used to shoot independent films, which I really enjoyed. It did not matter how many hours I needed to work on my weekends or overnight, because it was one thing I was doing that really made me happy.
After going through an exhaustive process of therapies, including self-help books, coach (see below)* that contributed for a self-investigation on who I am and what my purpose is, I realized that having a comfortable/stable life does not mean happiness. All that feelings and hurt were symptoms warning me that I needed a change. Having got enough courage, I took the leap of faith.
As I have already shared with you here (See here), in January I came to Dublin in order to improve my English. I intend to do a Master’s in Cinema and become a filmmaker. I am aware of the fact that it will be a long journey, but I am sure it is possible. That anguish I used to feel back in Brazil was replaced by a feeling of relief and joy as now I know what I want, so I am on the right track.
Easier said than done!
Getting enough self-confidence to change our lives is not easy. It took me two years to get it. In addition, everything has its own time. Although it is necessary to plan ahead, it important to be patience with yourself; nothing changes overnight. We must then take daily steps to achieve our goals. In my case, I used to visualize myself being already there. This technique would make me happy and give me the necessary confidence to continue. Besides, I read lots of books and watched inspirational videos of people who had been successful in their lives. One book in particular that gave me great advice was Purpose: The courage to be who we are, by Sri Prem Baba. It showed me that life is supposed to be meaningful.
Once I took my decision to take a new path in life and I was completely sure about that, things started to move around me in order to facilitate my transition. I got incredibly good opportunities and support from people. I even won a car in a lottery at the company I worked for! Everything was going well, I felt healthier, sheerer, braver and more optimist. Everybody around me could notice that. From time to time, doubts and fear would reappear, so I would accept them and try to understand why they were there. Then, I would continue working on my goals with or without fear. For me, the worst thing would be continuing living that life I described to you. That was what scared me the most. I could no longer see myself there.
What is this “Comfort zone” all about?
When we talk about comfort zone, it is not about the things that are OK in our lives. It is about the ones that seem OK, but we know deep inside that they are not. These areas have everything to be OK, but we do not feel it, because something is wrong. For instance, sometimes we end up in bad relationships, that just seems to be fine, because we are too afraid of a break-up. The same happens in our career, academic life, and so on. We are afraid of changes because its process involves a deep investigation that can hurt us very much. Besides, not knowing what it is going to happen serves to worsen things up. Why then bother with it? Accepting living in this situation can end up killing us little by little: our creativity, motivation, self-confidence, self-love, and prevent us from finding true happiness.
Today, I would like to share with you this parable called The Frog Principle that I read during my process of changing. It helped me to understand the danger of settling for the situation. In his book Follow your heart, Andrew Mathews explains how it works:
As the parable says, the same happens in a comfort zone. If we do not jump, the relaxing situation will kill us in many ways.
You do not need to change our lives completely as I did. However, you can change little things that bother you. The point is we cannot keep pushing our lives and wait to see what happens next. Time passes fast, everything around us changes. So, if sometimes you feel like life is passing through your eyes, I advise you to get the courage and fight for more in your life. Believe, you deserve much more!
*What has helped me and I do recommend:
- Access Bars
- Purpose: The courage to be who we are, by Sri Prem Baba
- Follow your heart, by Andrew Mathews
- The Power of your subconscious mind, by Joseph Murphy
- Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One, by Joe Dispenza
- Courage to be Disliked, by Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi
- Outwitting the Devil, by Napoleon Hill