Categories
Uncategorized

Take your time to deeply get to know yourself

One of the most valuable gifts you can give yourself is time—taking time to be more fully present (Oprah Winfrey)

I am used to listening to this quote every day in Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations, which I highly recommend. Even though I have always agreed, I have never allowed me to have a time for myself. Of course, I have free time and holidays, but I always used them to have fun (entertainment), be with my friends or family. So, I truly never used my time to do ‘nothing’ other than feel my own self.

In June, the family I work for came to me and said that they would not need me until September. In the beginning was fine because I had got another short-term job, which lasted six weeks and I also had planned a trip to France for two weeks. Nevertheless, I end up having two extra weeks before my traveling and, because of Covid-19, one more week for quarantine. This has meant less work, less pay.

In this period, I also had my IELTS exam. I was applying for the master’s and I needed to get a good score. My Visa would expire in September, so also had to renew my English course. So, those weeks drove me crazy. I felt anxious about everything: my life here, my job, my holidays, and my future, what would be of me… I was so stressed that I advanced my flight to France in one week, as I was not working, I preferred to stay there and enjoy the proper summer. It was the best thing I did.

In France (apart from some incidents that I am going to write in another article), everything was perfect. Good weather, delicious food, nice people, free time, no lockdown at all, simply awesome! And there I had time to relax and enjoy, that was all I could do at that moment, so I did.

There, I received my exams results and I cried as my scores were not as satisfactory as I expected. I had the feeling of failure. I cried a lot because it showed me that I was in the “wrong way”. I got a bad score in the Listening part (the same I had got when I was in Brazil) which frustrated me so much. However, my behavior could not only be due the scores; I suspected there was much more behind. So, I started to rethink about everything that has happened to me, but this time, with no pressure.

Listen to your heart

When I came back from France, I finally started to meditate. I decided that I would be quiet and listen to what would come from inside. I gave up on having control and I surrender my concerns to God. I have this belief that no matter what happens, it is for the good. Then, I knew that everything would be simply fine.  

In some way, I took this year off. I wanted to have time for me, without being under pressure or any stress. I created some excuses so I could do it without feeling guilt, like improve my English for IELTS, do my Master’s in Cinema, change my career… the truth is that I could have done it all in Brazil. So, what is the truth in behind my travel to Ireland?

As I have already said previously here, Ireland was the best cost-benefit option to me. I wanted to leave Brazil because I did not see myself living the same life I was living (see this article here). I was dissatisfied and I did not know why. I just wanted to run away. Then, I saw a light here, a place I could improve my English, work in a different field, and try a scholarship for a master’s in Cinema (as you already know). What I had not yet realized was that I have been pressuring me to achieve new goals as if my life depended on it. It is always about achievement, achievement, and more achievements. Couldn’t I just live?

When I got here, I started to feel this pressure to achieve new goals I proposed to me. I was pushing me so hard that I did not allow me to enjoy the process through it. I suffered a lot from anxiety, doubts, and fear of not reach what I came to get it. It took me all these months to understand that is not the result that matters, but the process, the way through it.

Everything happens for a greater good, even bad things!

This year has been challenging and tricky for everyone. We have been “forced” to stop and have a fresh look at some points in our lives that need changes. Also, we have learned cut loose of control; we cannot control anything. Which is good in my opinion. You can read more about it in this article.

Since I was a child, I had many dreams and a deep desire to be relevant in society. I wanted to be someone respected, recognized and admired. So, everything I did was in this purpose. Every choice I made (aware or not) was to achieve what I thought was important and I created a pattern to please others with my actions. Studying and working hard, behaving properly, being serious, clever, perfect. These should be the elements of my reputation.

Funny enough, as I had to pause my projects, I reflected a lot about them and (guess what?) I came to all these conclusions. I discovered that what I really needed was time. Time to be only with me. Time to live, feel and learn how to be with myself. Time that I did not have to please others. Time to face my fears and “traumas”. I needed time to rediscover what I like, to experiment something new, to allow me to be just who I am, without a specific “goal” behind.

“Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you cannot make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you will never get back. Your time is your life” (Rick Warren).

With all these reflections, I discovered that my purpose in life is not to become a filmmaker or a writer. My purpose is not related to my professional goals. My truly purpose here is to develop myself and become the best person I can be. My profession will be an expression of what I am and will be aligned with my purpose. Now I know that it is my job to oversee every area of my life and not the opposite. After all,   I am not here to be good. I am here to be better.

By Raquel Freire

Jornalista, roteirista e diretora de cinema. Sou apaixonada pela vida em todas as suas formas. Autoconhecimento, psicologia e filosofia são meus temas preferidos, assim como espiritualidade. Gosto de escrever sobre o que observo e penso. Adoro trazer reflexões sobre comportamento humano e contribuir para a expansão da consciência, seja em textos, vídeos ou filmes. ;)
Conheça mais: @raq_freire | @raquel.freire_filmmaker

Leave a Reply